“Ba’t mo hahayaan na ganyanin ka niyang tao na yan, ‘yan ba nagpapalamon sa’yo?”
“Sige umiyak ka ngayon pero kung saan ka nadapa, doon ka din tatayo.”
If you’re a friend of mine who’s asked me for advice, I’ve probably given you a pep talk with something in between the lines of the ones above.
Growing up, I had five lolas. And they were all strong and independent women who taught me a good half of all the principles and life hacks I have right now. You could say that our house was (and still is) like some sort of Women’s Union HQ.
The strongest and fiercest of them all was my Lola Nelly and after two decades of having her in my life, one of the days I have been dreading the most for as long as I can remember finally arrived — the day I would have to see a world without her.
My Lola Nelly was a lot of things.
She was a sister, a mother, and a wife, but at the same time, she was her own person. And I think that’s what I admired the most about her. She was married to a well-respected lawyer, but people didn’t just look at her and thought, “Oh that’s Mrs. Barcenas, the attorney’s wife.” She was an elementary school teacher who doubled as a businesswoman and left a mark for herself without any help, and what makes it all the more amazing is that she had nothing to begin with in the first place.
Some days, whenever she’d see me looking sad, Lola would come up to me with a laugh and say “Ako nga nagbenta ng puto diyan sa mga kalye pero tignan mo ako ngayon!” but she never meant or said it in a tone as if my feelings were invalid. Her point was always no matter how bad things may be, life comes around and falls into place. Things get better. But you must learn how to fight back. If you want something, you have to go and make it happen for yourself. No matter the odds, keep going.
I always knew that this day would come but I have come to realize that no matter how much you prepare, you’re never truly ready. I was so excited to come home today, I was going to show her a copy of my first byline on a nationwide publication because Lola was always my biggest supporter. She’d keep copies of my articles from old publications or read my winning essays over and over, she was always proud of me. If there’s anything that pains me the most right now, it’s that she won’t be there when I take the PhilSAT. I knew that her seeing me off to take the Bar was a long shot, so I took comfort in knowing that she’d probably still be here when I take the PhilSAT. That would be enough. But sometimes things don’t work out the way we planned.
Still, I was blessed to have her for nearly two decades. I could go on all night of my favorite memories of her but for this one I guess I’ll settle with that one time I needed to buy some batteries.
I was around five years old and I needed some batteries for this old toy. And since both my mother and my grandmother were businesswomen, I was taught how to save money at an early age so instead of coming up to lola and ask for money, I opted to take some out of my piggy bank. Sadly, this slightly mean lady who manned the store wouldn’t give me the batteries I needed because I lacked one peso (or was it 50 cents? i can’t remember) so I came home empty handed.
Upon seeing that sad look on my face when I got home, Lola asked where the batteries I needed were. I told her what happened and she grinned and out of her old duster’s pocket, she pulled out a thousand peso bill and told me to buy the batteries. I went up to the store, did as I was told, only to aggravate the lady who manned the store.
I was handing her a thousand pesos for something only worth twenty.
I came back home with both the thousand still intact in one hand (the lady told me i could pay next time when i had a smaller bill) and the pack of batteries on the other. I told Lola everything that happened and she laughed and gave me a wink and told me that people were funny sometimes. It wasn’t until I was older had I realized how that was actually proof of how far my Lola had made it for herself. She literally had money just laying around like there in an old duster’s pocket (goals tbh)
It may take some time for me to get used to this but I know I’ll be okay. I know you’re happy where you are. You’re with Lolo, Kuya Gerry, and Kuya Dong now and I know that the days they left were probably the hardest ones you ever had to face. Tell them I miss them (kahit annoying and bully sila sakin). Which ever end of heaven you’re all at right now is probably filled with bickering about politics, talks about law, and business, and inside jokes.
Time to say good night. I love you so much, Lola.
PS
Walang papantay sa adobo, menudo, at asado (lalo na sa asado!!!) mo. Wag ka mag-alala, kakain pa din ako ng malunggay kahit di mo na ako mababantayan.